I’ve been closely monitoring the Justin Bieber-Hailey
Baldwin engagement. It’s hard not
to. Every time I scroll through the
news, there’s a new picture of the young couple with headlines updating the
world to the status of their relationship.
I first noticed them when headlines announced that they were re-united
on the streets of New York. Just two
months later the headlines were shouting about their engagement. Occasionally the spotlight shifts to the
Ariana Grande-Pete Davidson engagement, which is equally entertaining. The last few headlines have updated us all of the
possibility that Justin might try and obtain his American citizenship before
the wedding and even speculated that the couple was actually already married. The most interesting stories on Hailey and
Justin offer little tidbits of insight into their love for one another, like
Justin being overheard murmuring, “I can’t wait to marry you, baby…”
My interest in the Bieber-Baldwin engagement has nothing to
do with them as individuals. I’ve never
been a Belieber and, as for Hailey, I’ve never seen her modeling work. I actually avoid looking at models whenever
possible. I think I’m fixated on their
engagement because they are everything that I am not: young, rich, and in love.
I guess I shouldn’t be resentful of Hailey and Justin. It’s not as though I have never been anything
like them. I was young once. Truthfully, I didn’t even really start to
feel “not young” until recently. The
shift from young to old seemed to come suddenly, without any discernible
transition. I never felt "in between" young and old. The realization that I was not young felt a lot like walking out
of the bathroom with your skirt tucked in your hose. Up until you realize you
are ass out to the world, you feel great.
Only to have that ‘oh shit’ moment, where you realize what you must have
looked like to all the folks you've passed. Humiliated,
you wonder how many people saw you in your blissful ignorance. My not young self felt this—ablaze with
embarrassment for acting young when I clearly was not. I felt the immediate need to cover up and begin
the wrinkle shrink of retirement.
The realization that I was not young highlighted the fact
that, unlike Hailey and Justin, I was also not in love and would probably never
be rich. Just as I wasn’t always not
young, it’s not like I’ve never been in love.
I’ve had some romance—I was even married once. I certainly have felt the intensity of
connecting with another human being. I
too have been so overwhelmed with love that I felt like I could not get close
enough to that person, no matter how tightly we clung to each other. Perhaps its this knowledge of what love feels
like that makes the current absence of love feel so bad.
Compared to youth and love, the money isn’t that much of a
loss. However, as the news broadcasts
Justin’s estimated $265 million net worth, I can’t help but consider how
different their life is from mine. I’m
not ashamed to admit that I am jealous of all that they will see and do in
their lifetime. One can’t help but
wonder how the universe divvys out its rewards.
I can smother the jealousy with the universal truth that we
all share—even Justin and Hailey—that nothing is forever. Things change and disappear and something new arrives
it its place—new feelings, new ideas, new love…new understanding of self.
